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Jokes, anyone got any good ones to tell?

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UncleBuck	Oct 20 2011, 07:29 PM Post #571
D Cup Group: Moderator Posts: 2,465 Joined: 12-March 06 Member No.: 14,012	QUOTE(evade20 @ Aug 24 2011, 08:48 PM) Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke. Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it"" Now dat der's just plain funny !!! -------------------- 100% of the shots you don't take don't go in. Wayne Gretzky. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. *Egos are like dicks. All men have one, but mine's bigger.

evade20	Oct 21 2011, 10:34 AM Post #572
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(UncleBuck @ Oct 20 2011, 07:29 PM) Now dat der's just plain funny !!! 3D tried it but he forgot that there aren't any alligators in Peoria! -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

evade20	Oct 22 2011, 10:18 AM Post #573
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	Mount Rushmore from the Canadian side: Attached thumbnail(s) -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

rage	Oct 22 2011, 03:16 PM Post #574
D Cup Group: Members Posts: 1,692 Joined: 20-September 10 From: Appleton, Wisconsin Member No.: 33,906	What tastes good on pie but not on pussy.... ★★★The Crust★★★ -------------------- Dont let your meatloaf!i!

rage	Oct 22 2011, 03:16 PM Post #575
D Cup Group: Members Posts: 1,692 Joined: 20-September 10 From: Appleton, Wisconsin Member No.: 33,906	What tastes good on pie but not on pussy.... ★★★The Crust★★★ -------------------- Dont let your meatloaf!i!

evade20	Oct 22 2011, 03:27 PM Post #576
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(rage @ Oct 22 2011, 03:16 PM) What tastes good on pie but not on pussy.... ★★★The Crust★★★ It sounded so good he posted it twice! -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

icandoit	Oct 25 2011, 12:08 AM Post #577
C Cup Group: Members Posts: 840 Joined: 28-March 05 From: Venus Member No.: 1,772	A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "How did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What asshole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "All of them".

valoish	Oct 29 2011, 01:42 PM Post #578
D Cup Group: Members Posts: 1,626 Joined: 8-March 07 From: Ontario Member No.: 21,123	Icandoit, you wouldn't get 50c per client,,,, you're worth WAY more than that!

stackedmom	Oct 29 2011, 03:58 PM Post #579
B Cup Group: Members Posts: 194 Joined: 3-July 11 From: Hartford, Connecticut Member No.: 35,407	Didn't read all other pages so don't know if this is on here but... How do you make five pounds of fat look good ? Put a nipple on it!!!

evade20	Oct 29 2011, 05:20 PM Post #580
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(stackedmom @ Oct 29 2011, 03:58 PM) Didn't read all other pages so don't know if this is on here but... How do you make five pounds of fat look good ? Put a nipple on it!!! Looks real good! -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

icandoit	Nov 2 2011, 02:02 PM Post #581
C Cup Group: Members Posts: 840 Joined: 28-March 05 From: Venus Member No.: 1,772	QUOTE(valoish @ Oct 29 2011, 01:42 PM) Icandoit, you wouldn't get 50c per client,,,, you're worth WAY more than that! Not sure if this is a compliment or not... Are you calling me a (high-end) prostitute Valoish?

evade20	Nov 2 2011, 08:15 PM Post #582
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(icandoit @ Nov 2 2011, 02:02 PM) Not sure if this is a compliment or not... Are you calling me a (high-end) prostitute Valoish? You better duck and cover, Valoish! Icandoit is about to go ballistic... -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

ddd35	Nov 3 2011, 03:28 PM Post #583
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 28,815 Joined: 7-April 06 From: Peoria, Illinois Member No.: 14,606	QUOTE(stackedmom @ Oct 29 2011, 01:58 PM) Didn't read all other pages so don't know if this is on here but... How do you make five pounds of fat look good ? Put a nipple on it!!! OH Yeah

valoish	Nov 3 2011, 06:51 PM Post #584
D Cup Group: Members Posts: 1,626 Joined: 8-March 07 From: Ontario Member No.: 21,123	QUOTE(icandoit @ Nov 2 2011, 01:02 PM) Not sure if this is a compliment or not... Are you calling me a (high-end) prostitute Valoish? Huh....not at all babe... you know I would never treat you as such.... I'm sorry if it didn't come out how it should have

evade20	Nov 3 2011, 08:38 PM Post #585
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(valoish @ Nov 3 2011, 06:51 PM) Huh....not at all babe... you know I would never treat you as such.... I'm sorry if it didn't come out how it should have Can't say I didn't warn you.... -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

UncleBuck	Jan 19 2012, 10:50 AM Post #586
D Cup Group: Moderator Posts: 2,465 Joined: 12-March 06 Member No.: 14,012	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZW7VGsSIgs...player_embedded -------------------- 100% of the shots you don't take don't go in. Wayne Gretzky. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. *Egos are like dicks. All men have one, but mine's bigger.

evade20	Jan 19 2012, 06:08 PM Post #587
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(UncleBuck @ Jan 19 2012, 10:50 AM) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZW7VGsSIgs...player_embedded This one was funny, too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhrJry8iGFY&feature=related -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

evade20	Jan 20 2012, 05:16 PM Post #588
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	not a joke, but some excellent slam poetry: http://www.wimp.com/uploadedhug/ -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

evade20	Feb 20 2012, 10:37 PM Post #589
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	How the heart became the symbol of Valentine?s Day Attached thumbnail(s) -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

ddd35	Feb 21 2012, 08:17 AM Post #590
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 28,815 Joined: 7-April 06 From: Peoria, Illinois Member No.: 14,606	QUOTE(evade20 @ Feb 20 2012, 08:37 PM) How the heart became the symbol of Valentine?s Day

FreakyShinnizle	Feb 22 2012, 12:46 AM Post #591
Double D's Group: Members Posts: 4,850 Joined: 24-April 07 From: Quebec Member No.: 21,810	QUOTE(evade20 @ Jan 20 2012, 05:16 PM) not a joke, but some excellent slam poetry: http://www.wimp.com/uploadedhug/ Wimp is straight up awesome.

evade20	Feb 22 2012, 01:34 AM Post #592
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(FreakyShinnizle @ Feb 22 2012, 12:46 AM) Wimp is straight up awesome. Truely! -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

evade20	Feb 23 2012, 08:34 PM Post #593
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	Talent! http://www.bitoffun.com/video_vault/sexy-talent-amy-g.htm -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

evade20	Feb 23 2012, 09:04 PM Post #594
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	99 words for boobs -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

UncleBuck	Feb 25 2012, 11:20 AM Post #595
D Cup Group: Moderator Posts: 2,465 Joined: 12-March 06 Member No.: 14,012	Sensitivity Test For Men 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: A. Lovemaking. B. Screwing. C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared: A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers. 3. You time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax simultaneously. C. You don?t miss ESPN Sports Center. 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: A. Healthy, creative love-play.. B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to. C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about. 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is: A. The best part of the experience. B. The second best part of the experience. C. $100 extra. 6. Your wife/girlfriend says she?s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her. B. Not a problem, she can join your gym. C. A conservative estimate. 7. You think today?s sensitive, caring man is: A. A myth. B. An oxymoron. C. A moron. 8. Foreplay is to sex as: A. An appetizer is to entree. B. Primer is to paint. C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. 9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? A. I hope we can still be friends. B. I?m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep. C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU. 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. B. Is uptight and a waste of time. C. Shouldn?t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. -------------------- 100% of the shots you don't take don't go in. Wayne Gretzky. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. *Egos are like dicks. All men have one, but mine's bigger.

evade20	Feb 25 2012, 02:44 PM Post #596
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(UncleBuck @ Feb 25 2012, 11:20 AM) Sensitivity Test For Men 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: A. Lovemaking. B. Screwing. C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared: A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers. 3. You time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax simultaneously. C. You don?t miss ESPN Sports Center. 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: A. Healthy, creative love-play.. B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to. C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about. 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is: A. The best part of the experience. B. The second best part of the experience. C. $100 extra. 6. Your wife/girlfriend says she?s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her. B. Not a problem, she can join your gym. C. A conservative estimate. 7. You think today?s sensitive, caring man is: A. A myth. B. An oxymoron. C. A moron. 8. Foreplay is to sex as: A. An appetizer is to entree. B. Primer is to paint. C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. 9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? A. I hope we can still be friends. B. I?m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep. C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU. 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. B. Is uptight and a waste of time. C. Shouldn?t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. What is a passing score? -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

evade20	Mar 1 2012, 05:53 PM Post #597
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	Gardening.... too lazy to type this in so I scanned it... Attached thumbnail(s) -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

ddd35	Mar 2 2012, 10:17 AM Post #598
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 28,815 Joined: 7-April 06 From: Peoria, Illinois Member No.: 14,606	QUOTE(evade20 @ Feb 25 2012, 12:44 PM) What is a passing score?

evade20	Mar 11 2012, 12:09 AM Post #599
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	Irish yoga Attached thumbnail(s) -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

icandoit	Jun 28 2012, 07:54 PM Post #600
C Cup Group: Members Posts: 840 Joined: 28-March 05 From: Venus Member No.: 1,772	Accountant gets caught embezzling millions of dollars from a high powered law firm. He goes to trial and as expected gets a lengthy prison sentence. When he gets to prison and the door slams shut he starts to sob, it has really hit home now. His cellmate, a big hulking black man, asks him why he is sobbing. The Accountant says "I have heard about what happens to little guys like me in prison." The cellmate says "Oh no, you don't have to worry about that kind of thing, this is the new prison system. See nowadays we are civil enough to give you a choice, you can be the husband or the wife. It's your choice!" "Really!?" says the accountant, starting to realize that his situation is really not going to be THAT bad. "Yes" says the cellmate, "What would you like to be?" "Well" the accountant says "I would like to be the husband." The cellmate says "Great! good choice, now get over here and suck your wife's dick!"

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