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Breast Jokes, ....because everyone needs to laugh.
day4ferris |
Aug 30 2005, 09:45 AM
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A Cup
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Posts: 22
Joined: 27-August 05
From: Chicago, Illinois
Member No.: 10,117
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One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the backyard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large,burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is." "Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied. "Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts." The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside. "OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's tits." At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls. "I can't," replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away. "Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now. "I don't have ten thousand dollars."
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COMEDYMAN |
Aug 30 2005, 10:04 AM
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Double D's
Group: Moderator
Posts: 3,796
Joined: 28-March 05
From: Tampa, Florida
Member No.: 2,479
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Narazbad |
Aug 31 2005, 02:31 AM
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Double D's
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Posts: 2,839
Joined: 14-April 05
From: Amarillo, Texas
Member No.: 6,968
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So one day a guy is walking down the street and he spots this girl. Now this isnt any ordinary female, this is a prime specimen. beautiful, 5'9" with 4 foot long legs it seems. beautiful, perfectly formed face, great tight ass, long smooth legs, tight firm stomach, and the best boobs the guy has ever seen in his life. Right then and there he makes up his mind. "I have got to get those tits!"
So the guy follows the girl for a few moments and suddenly taps her on the shoulder, making her jump into the air a few inches and turn around, ready to slap someone. "Excuse me miss...im sorry for this interruption but i must say..you have the absolute BEST breasts ive ever seen in my life! i must bite them...may i please?"
The girl, of course, freaks out and is about ready to deck the guy, but keeps herself under control. "NO! ABSOLUTLEY NOT! Why on EARTH would i let you bite my breasts?" "Well, i have this thing. Every time i see a good pair of breasts, i have to bite them. i am willing to pay you 10 dollars for it." "no! absolutley not!" the chick runs away down the corner trying to get away from him. The guy follows her and catches up to her yelling as he runs down the street "100 dollars!" "NO!" she rounds a corner and he bursts into speed and catches up with her, cutting her off. "please, il give you 1,000 dollars. im begging ma'am" "no!" she leaves again and runs into an alley, trying to avoid him. Unfortunatley, it seems to be a dead end. He corners her and says "Il give you $10,000 to do it. im begging you ma'am, please!!" the lady sits there and contemplates. its her body, and she would feel like a whore for doing it, but she could really use the money. Finally, after several long moments of contemplation, she decides to let the guy do it. she takes him farther back into the alleyway and unbuttons her blouse, revealing the most beautiful set of breasts known on gods green earth. the mans jaw drops to the floor and he immediatley starts squeezing, licking, sucking, pulling, rubbing, kissing, and groping her. after several minutes of the man doing everything BUT biting her chest, the woman starts to get agrivated. "Are you going to bite my breasts or not!?" "HELL NO! its too expensive!"
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Let me Help you Tie the Rope Around your Neck...Let me Help you Talk your One Way off the Bridge...Let me Help you Hold the Glock Against your Head..Let me Help you Tame the Voices in your Head...
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day4ferris |
Aug 31 2005, 08:41 AM
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A Cup
Group: Members
Posts: 22
Joined: 27-August 05
From: Chicago, Illinois
Member No.: 10,117
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A flat-chested woman was delighted when her Fairy Godmother said her breasts would increase in size each time a man said, "Pardon" to her. She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon Me. " Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was in seventh heaven! She walked into a Chinese restaurant, collided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior." The next day the headline in the local newspaper read, "Chinese Waiter Crushed in Freak Accident!"
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COMEDYMAN |
Aug 31 2005, 08:50 AM
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Double D's
Group: Moderator
Posts: 3,796
Joined: 28-March 05
From: Tampa, Florida
Member No.: 2,479
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90 year old couple are on their wedding night. The old woman comes out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a see through nightie. " I have to warn you" , she told the old man, " I have acute angina" The old man looked at her and said " Well thats great because your tits are UGLY AS HELL!!!!" I would be remiss if I didn't add a joke here!!!!
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day4ferris |
Sep 7 2005, 10:21 PM
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A Cup
Group: Members
Posts: 22
Joined: 27-August 05
From: Chicago, Illinois
Member No.: 10,117
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Great news for girl watchers: Ogling women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered. "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female such as Baywatch actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout," declared gerontologist Dr. Franz Epping. Dr. Epping and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Epping. "There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." Dr. Epping suggested that men over the age of 40 spend at least 10 minutes a day looking at breasts sized "D-cup" or greater. "We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years." Dr. Epping says he would advise U.S. males to watch "jiggle" shows on TV, rent low-budget women-in-prison movies and peruse men's magazines such as Playboy as often as possible. The expert also listed several bosomy celebs whose headlights were most likely to yield a beneficial health effect. These amply endowed "angels of mercy" include Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear, Anna Nicole Smith and Demi Moore.
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closeup |
Sep 7 2005, 10:33 PM
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Double D's
Group: Members
Posts: 4,813
Joined: 12-July 05
From: Portland, Maine
Member No.: 9,341
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QUOTE(day4ferris @ Sep 7 2005, 10:21 PM) Great news for girl watchers: Ogling women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered. "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female such as Baywatch actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout," declared gerontologist Dr. Franz Epping. Dr. Epping and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Epping. "There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." Dr. Epping suggested that men over the age of 40 spend at least 10 minutes a day looking at breasts sized "D-cup" or greater. "We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years." Dr. Epping says he would advise U.S. males to watch "jiggle" shows on TV, rent low-budget women-in-prison movies and peruse men's magazines such as Playboy as often as possible. The expert also listed several bosomy celebs whose headlights were most likely to yield a beneficial health effect. These amply endowed "angels of mercy" include Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear, Anna Nicole Smith and Demi Moore. Was this article before or after the one about all the benifits of swallowing sperm. Dr Epping says that if spread liberally over a woman's breasts, they will increase by one whole cup size. More research is need to prove this theory, however.
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